Don't want to hear it!

I don't want to hear how carrying a child is the best thing in life. It isn't! Especially when you wake up nauseous, work nauseous and go home nauseous. You don't want to socialize with friends because you would rather be alone to throw up in seclusion. You don't want to run errands 'cause you don't want to throw up in your car or out the window.

I really don't know how anyone can call this a great experience. My boobs are sore and huge and heavy. I am so sick I can't exercise but don't worry because the only food I can eat is pasta and that doesn't contain any calories. I have no ambition to do anything at work. Thank gawd they gave me a cubicle in the corner away from everyone so I can pretend to do stuff.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I'm hoping to be put on an anti-nausea drug. Mr. Spaghettibender is worried that we'll have kids like the thalidomide babies of the 1950s. He makes me worry so much.

I have to say that I know understand how mother that have miscarriages feel. Ever week that goes by makes me feel more confident that things are okay but I am on a message board where girls around me are miscarrying with pregnancies longer than mine. It just throws me for a loop each time.

I'm hoping tomorrow we can schedule an ultrasound for sometime in the next couple of weeks.

Chew-chew! On aboard! The worry train is about to leave!

Happy Canada Day!

Yesterday was Canada Day and although I'm proud to be Canadian... it sucks that I can't celebrate like one. We arrived at one pool/bbq party with some of our friends only to have people talk about when we were finally going to have kids. In my head "ha, suckers I'm already pregnant" But really the joke was on me as I watched them down their finally chilled alcoholic beverages = (

Then off we went to another bbq at my brother-in-laws place. As soon as we arrived I wanted to return to the first one. Where they had trays of veggies, fruit, chips and salsa. This would have been a followed by a fabulous bbq feast I'm sure. But no we were at my brother-in-laws where I saw old shrivelled up tiny hot dog all by their lonesome in a dish. They had started the burgers on the bbq as we arrived but I have no idea how long the dogs had just been sitting there. My stomach was so hungry so I said screw it and got a burger - BAD, very bad idea. The burgers were horrible. Even Mr. Spaghettibender barely ate his. Then we were supplied with chips. Lots and lots of chips.

Great, I was so happy we would be there for the rest of the evening.

As the evening slowly crept by I realized something. I tolerate his family much better when I'm drinking.

Well I hope the rest of the world had a fabulous Canada Day!

So sad

My best friend is pregnant. She is 6mths now. She just found out that her little baby has an underdeveloped heart. So she went for an hour long ultrasound with a cardiologist and it turns out her baby will need to have 3 surgery once born. She will be allowed to hug her baby and then off it goes to CHEO. Sometime in its first week of life it will have its first surgery, then a second surgery at 3mths and another at 3yrs. These surgeries are to connect the babies arteries which normally go to the right side of the heart and in this case will be attached to the left side. So the baby will only survive on half a heart.

It is so sad. I feel complete sorrow for my BF. She did everything right for this pregnancy and is completely mortified but strong for her baby. They even told her there may be need for a heart transplant down the road since it is pretty hard on your bodies heart to have to use only half to survive.

She keeps saying she doesn't want to freak me out. I keep saying I don't want to talk about what is going on with mine body/baby while she's experiencing such grief.

I wish there was something I could do for her.

Happy Father's Day... maybe...

Well me and Mr.Spaghettibender have decided to try and have a baby. Since my cycle is all over the place I had no idea when I was expecting Aunt Flo. So I decided to test to see if I was pregnant on Father's Day.

The Friday before I secretly bought a home pregnancy test and hide it in the bathroom. That Sunday morning we got up early because he had to be at his dad's for 11:30am. I sneaked off to the bathroom to do the test while he made coffee. I lay the stick on the counter like they suggested and could see the urine going through the test window. I saw a dark pink line appear. I thought to myself "that is one good control line" then I watched another pink line appear. I looked at the stick stunned. I realized the first line was the pregnancy line. I was pregnant. What?!? it said it would take 3mins - that was 3secs. I was stunned. I started to cry. I have no idea why but I was crying. I had to compose myself. I had to tell Mr. Spaghettibender.

I opened to bathroom door and saw him on the computer. His back was to me as I stood in the door way. I whimpered. He didn't notice.

I said "Mr. Spaghettibener"

he said "ya" without turning around

I said his name again.

He turned around.

I said Happy Father's Day and passed him the test.

He looked at me with that deer-caught-in-headlights stare. poor guy.

He still didn't think it was real. He thought it was a false positive. I said that doesn't really happen - false negative - yes. So I continued to cry while he answered the phone. I really couldn't stop crying. I got on some chat boards and asked other girls if it was possible to have a false positive - no.

Once Mr. Spaghettibender got off the phone I got him to call his doctor friend to see if he was working at a clinic that day and if I could come by to do the blood test to confirm. turns out he would have to do an internal exam - um, no! So he also told us that we were pregnant since it wasn't just a faint line.

So we sat there.

I realized it was getting late and we needed to get ready to go over to his dad's for lunch. We both said we weren't going to say anything until it was confirmed by my doctor. I did however call my best friend - who is 5mths pregnant and tell her. She was so happy for me. I cried some more.

It took awhile to get in to see my doctor but it was true - I'm pregnant.

Lesbian Wedding

One of my friends, who is a lesbian decided to get married in a couple of months. The only problem is she doesn't know what to wear. I asked her what she normally wears to a Wedding or fancy event. She said a dress. Well then wear a dress to your Wedding.

I have been trying to search the Internet to get her some pics of what others have worn but I'm not having much luck. The are having a small but traditional Wedding so I know they kinda want to follow the white dress theme. Maybe not as lavish as some dresses but maybe more destination bridal.

I am so excited for them. They have had some resistance from their family but mainly because they decided to do it this year and not next year. Kinda hard for the family to get all their ducks in a row during the summer and only 2mths notice. But everything seems to have finally worked it way out so now I'm just trying to give them as much support and help as I can.

I did it.

I went home after work last night and I didn't just lay around. After walking in the door I took the salmon out of the fridge and got it all ready to marinate. I then went down to the basement and ran on the treadmill for 30mins followed by some weights and get this - a pilates video. So that took me until almost 6:30 so I started getting the rest of dinner ready. Then once Mr. Spaghettibender came home we had dinner and after dinner ... what for it ... I didn't sit there on the sofa watching tv ... I know it is amazing. I did however go out into the muggy hot bug infested front yard to pull weeds. I did that until almost 9pm and then I watch a bit of tv before going off to lala land.

Let see if I can keep this up.

Tonight I'm biking home from work. Yes in this sweltering 39C heat. Maybe if I'm really lucky those thunder and lightening storms that were suppose to get us yesterday will finally make it here for my bike ride home.

No it's not too hot

It's just right ... if I lived by the ocean. I tried to make it without air conditioning but I caved once the thermostat hit 26 in the house. I just can't sleep at that temp.

Went to see Sex and the City this weekend. I guess I liked it. I will have to watch it again when it comes out on video, in my own house, where I can cry at will = )

Trying to conceive a child while Mr. Spaghettibender is stressed out by school is really not working for us. He is up until late at night and that isn't conducive to baby making. I still can't believe I am trying to have a child - what the hell am I thinking?!?

I think I am lazy. But I would really like to know what people without children do once they finish work. T

This was a typical day for me before Spring classes began. I got up at 5:45 so I can shower and make it to work for 7am. I worked an extra 50mins a day so I can have every second Monday off which means I finish work at 3:50pm. I turning the key in the door at roughly 4:20pm. Then watching either Oprah, Tyra or Ellen... just realized they are all one women, one name shows... I start getting dinner ready. At about 5pm Mr. Spaghettibender is usually home and we would eat dinner. I have no idea what I do between 6 and 7:30pm but I believe it has a lot to do with nothing. At 7:30ish I start to pump myself for going into the basement to get ready for a workout. I usually run on the treadmill for at least 30mins and then do some weights all while watching whatever programs I can find on the tv. The next thing I know it is after 9pm and I would get washed up and ready for bed. I was in bed at 10pm and hopefully asleep by 10:30 or 11pm.

Now these days I am still getting up at the same time. Mr. Spaghettibender is driving me and my bike to work so I can bike home afterwards. That puts me in the door at roughly 4:30pm. I watch the rest of the girly shows. I watch whatever crap I can find on at 5pm. I then start dinner at 6pm cause Mr. Spaghettibender doesn't finish class until 7pm so we eat whenever he gets home. That means by 8pm I might go into the basement and do some weights or lay on the sofa surfing the tv for something ... anything to watch. The next thing I know it is 10pm and I have to get my ass to bed.

How the hell is it possible that I am less active in the summer? I need a new routine! Hopefully everything will change after Mr.Spaghettibender's classes finish this week. No more having dinner at 7pm so I can eat earlier and workout like before... unless I am just too lazy.