I'm jealous

I am really, truly, honestly jealous of my best friend. We have a similar story in our education and relationship yet she always gets what I want.

Lets start with job. We finished school at the same time. Within 6mths of each other we both started to work in our field - however we were both on contract. I became permanent first but within 6mths she had a term at a higher level and within 3years was two levels higher than me. mew! I am still struggling to get promoted.

Then their is relationship. We were both with our partners for 8yrs by the time they broke up because he wouldn't commit to anything. We had just bought a house so we had more of a commitment. Then they got back together. I got proposed to in front of a bunch of friends - which I always said I didn't want. And am still holding a lot of anger towards my only proposal being so effortless and special. She got this special very personal proposal that is where my jealousy first started.

Then her Bachelorette party - planned by me was exactly what I would have wanted but she for some unknown reason let one of the other bridesmaid plan mine. Mine sucked - hers rocked!

Next our Wedding Days. I wanted an outdoor wedding with something more intimate for 'us' to say our vows to each other. Somehow Mr. Spaghettibender gets it into his head that he wants it in a church. I have no idea what we were thinking. Well we did that with a horrible priest and said vows we didn't fully respect. My best friend ended up having their Wedding at the exact place we originally wanted and did their own personal vows. So jealous!

That leaves us with the Honeymoon - I always wanted to go to Greece. Well guess where they went - yep, Greece. We supposedly couldn't afford to go to Greece. Well we could have if we cut back on stuff from our Wedding Day. But we ended up in the Mayan Riviera in the middle of July in the sweltering heat. Not good at all. I would actually say it was a waste of money. So I just finished looking at some of their Honeymoon pics and I am so jealous. I wanted Honeymoon pics like that.

So I am trying really hard to think about the good things I have in my life but I have to tell you it is really hard. I mean I guess I didn't realize how much of those special sweet personal things between spouses/partners that I miss experiencing. I guess I didn't realize how much more I need from my partner to make me happy.

What is a woman to do?